


All the Good Plants Go to Hell

by Intergalactic_Honey



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: "iS thAT A sPOT?", Care, Comfort, Plant...Fic?, Reader is one of Crowley's houseplants, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:50:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intergalactic_Honey/pseuds/Intergalactic_Honey
Summary: After avoiding those dreadful spotted leaves for so long, [Y/N] finally gets to see where all the bad plants go.





	All the Good Plants Go to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> [F/C] - Favorite Color
> 
> [Y/N] - Your name
> 
> ( ^ This is just for the people who don't know ^ )
> 
> Enjoy~

[Y/N] considered themself to be lucky. Blessed with soft yet flexible leaves and a durable stem that never wilted in the slightest, they really were a sight to behold. With their miniature size, the [F/C] plant could easily be lugged around. They required so little, but gave so much. In other words, [Y/N] was the perfect house plan to have around.

Or at least that's what Crowley thought. The other plants in the flat were nice and tall and relatively got along with each other. They were a happy, quiet community of green most of the time. 

However, every community had a favorite person--erm, plant. Whether unintentionally or on purpose, Crowley's obvious bias quickly became apparent to the others.

Although the dracaenas were a little on the slower side (most likely due to the sun not always directly hitting them). [Y/N] considered themself to be lucky--

Until one day they weren't.

The sun had decided to rise earlier today and began to pool into the 'mini garden' area of the flat. Instinctively, everyone's leaves rose to meet the beams of light. The room was instantly filled with hushed sounds of delight. It wouldn't be long until they were sprayed. 

After every plant soaked up their fill of sunshine, they all relaxed. As [Y/N] lowered their leaves, they couldn't help but wince. Their right side had a sharp soreness that certainly was there before..

Before they could dwell on their thoughts any longer, a pair of steady footsteps snapped them out of their daze. Two yellow slitted eyes gleamed tiredly as a certain red haired demon sauntered into the room. 

"Mornin'..." Crowley quietly cooed. His voice was laced with strings of fatigue still. He glanced around the room before he held up the most precious item known to plant- The Mister. 

He had a system for his beloved plants. The devil's ivy were to be watered first, then the aspidistras in the corners, the jade plants, and lastly, [Y/N]. He always had to save the best for last. 

Crowley seemed pleased with everyone's cooperation and growth. His slender fingers wrapped around [Y/N]'s ceramic pot and lifted them up.

"Last, but certainly not least-" he paused and for a heartbeat of a moment, the room held its breath when he narrowed his eyes. "[Y/N]...Is that a _spot?_ You know how I feel about spots..." 

Their name oozed out of his mouth with a hiss. Seconds later, the trembling, [F/C] plant was held high in the air for all metaphorical eyes to see. "Everyone! Take one last look at our dear [Y/N]! Say your goodbyes and let this be a reminder to **GROW** **BETTER**." he spat, glowering by now. 

He turned and started for the corridor, "Shame... You really were my favorite..." 

[Y/N] trembled even harder than before as they disappeared into a new room together. The kitchen. Low and behold, the dreaded garbage disposal stared hungrily with metal teeth shining. Crowley wasn't even paying attention to them anymore. 

He flipped the switch and the devilish machine stirred to life. It's roar was deafening. Oh, Satan...this was it. This is where it all ended for little [Y/N]. No more sunlight, no more hushed whispers with friends, or days with they were lovingly misted, no-

Oh?

Crowley quickly moved away from the sink and cradled the shaking plant with two hands as if he was actually afraid of dropping them in the jaws of death.

"Shhh..." he rocked [Y/N] back and forth.

He proceeded to carry them into the next room, it led to the outside. He snapped his fingers and miracled the screen door open for him and stepped onto the large patch of grass. 

Decorated around a wooden fence were all of the previous plants that had been...'disposed of'. All of their large spots and gashes were healed up; they looked even more vibrant than when they were cooped up inside. 

There was another snap. [Y/N] watched in awe as a hole in the center of the grass appeared. Suddenly, they weren't even in their pot anymore. They felt the warmth of two careful hands around their soil coated roots--must've been the hellfire coursing the demon's body. 

And then they were placed in the ground. Crowley knelt in front of them and gently rubbed his thumb along their damaged leaf. "You'll be alright.." he mumbled, his voice and eyes incredibly soft as he scooped mounds of dirt around their tiny body. 

He patted the dirt together and planted the slightest kiss on the top of [Y/N]'s leaf. "I know you can grow better. I'll help you..." 

A rare smile graced his lips as he stood with a quiet promise to properly water them later. He dusted his hands on his dark jeans and collected the now-empty pot. With one final glance around his true garden, he walked back inside. 

Crowley took his time shutting the door and silenced the garbage disposal while he put on an irate scowl. He sauntered out of the corridor to look at his trembling plants. "Don't want that to happen, do you?" his tone cold and filled with malice, he held up the empty pot as a final threat before walking off to his room. 

All Crowley wants is for his plants to grow better--and with Hell as his witness, they will. 


End file.
